Worried about my mom

Discussion in 'Ask A Cop' started by Phil, Sep 23, 2016.

  1. Phil

    Phil New Member


    I've lurked here for a while, I know there is a mixture of funny and helpful responses. I'm also not sure that this is the best place to ask my question. I live in Auburn and my parents live in Attleboro. My mom has her LTC and has two handguns (9mm and a .38) and a WWI era rifle (lever action British .303). My mom is also showing the first signs of alzheimer's. My dad has been calling me for emotional support for the past few weeks and he's made appointments with the appropriate doctors. Unfortunately it sounds like things are getting worse and she is sometimes VERY confused about who people are and most definitely hallucinating. My dad is an emotional wreck and he's losing his wife and his best friend in the slowest and most painful way that I could ever imagine.

    She still has good days and bad, but the bad days are becoming more frequent. My dad is an amazing guy and he is primarily concerned about her well being... I just don't think he is considering how dangerous she could be when she's having a "bad day" especially since she has multiple handguns. (realistically I'm most worried about her getting confused and scared and killing my dad). Is there something I can do here to get her LTC rescinded? Can I do anything here? I appreciate the funny responses to questions that show up here, but I really don't know where to turn to for advice and I'm worried that something bad is going to happen.

    Again, sorry if this is the wrong place for a question like this... I just really have no idea where to go for help.
  2. mtc

    mtc High Priestess Staff Member

    A - have you talked to your dad about the guns? Does he have his LTC? Your answer may be as simple as buying a new gun safe... or changing the combination.

    Or sell the guns - there are gun shops that may take them on consignment. ( I've seen some posted on The Gun Parlor in Worcester's website )

    A letter from her Dr to the PD might be in order, or get mom to plain surrender her LTC. (I don't know offhand what HIPPA laws or whatnot are entailed)
    If the Dr writes a letter, bring it to Attleboro PD and ask them to suspend it. But get Dad on board.

    Good luck, sorry to hear Mom's progressing so seemingly quickly.
  3. Phil

    Phil New Member

    Neither I or my dad have our LTC or FID.

    I have her doctor's email and will see if she can contact the attleboro PD.

    Thanks for the suggestion, this is happening so fast
  4. mtc

    mtc High Priestess Staff Member

    My concern is that they may confiscate the guns - reach out to a licensed dealer and ask them how to go about consigning them to sell. That's a couple hundred bucks each - no point in losing it.
    That part of the process I don't know anything about. Try reaching out to GOAL, or one of the other members here with actual knowledge of this situation.
    Phil and pahapoika like this.
  5. Phil

    Phil New Member

    Thanks, I wasn't aware that GOAL was a thing. I'm not really a gun person and beyond the basics I don't really know how to approach this. I've sent an email explaining the situation and hopefully they'll have some ideas.

    Thanks again. the past few days have been hard and I know I didn't word things well in the original post.
  6. Kilvinsky

    Kilvinsky I think, therefore I'll never be promoted.

    mtc has given the best advice. My Dad is currently having his own issues. The up side, the only guns ever in the house were his two issued ones. He retired, they went back to the PD. But knowing how his mind is deteriorating (was cleared of Alzheimer's, but we're not so sure) and how he's sometimes not sure who my mother is, yeah, I can see where you're coming from. Follow mtc's advice. Smart woman and hey, are you going to argue with a High Priestess?
    Phil, HistoryHound and pahapoika like this.
  7. Hush

    Hush Moderator Staff Member

    Dealing with the same at home, minus the gun problem. Before getting her LTC revoked or involving the police reach out to GOAL or a local gun store as mentioned above. You could also simply lock the guns with trigger locks, or locked In a secure location. If you and your dad aren't inclined to keep them, your best bet is to sell them through consignment something a dealer can help with. Guns are an investment, and can often be quite valuable. Too often, people turn them over to the local PD and they disappear with no compensation. There are other legal options. Sorry about your mom, ALZ fucking sucks.
    mtc and Phil like this.
  8. MiamiVice

    MiamiVice MassCops Member

    Gartmam arms on rte 1 in wrentham are good people. Honestly I'm not to far away and would probably buy both handguns from you. You have plenty of options, in the meantime go buy 3 $10 trigger locks, put them on the guns and keep the keys with you. Honestly just take her ltc and hide it, solves the issue. I've dealt with 3 grandparents same issues, 2 with guns. Good luck

    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk
  9. HistoryHound

    HistoryHound Supporting Member

    The only thing I can add is that I'd hold off on contacting the doctor until you have a plan. Once you have a plan, you might not even have to get the doctor involved. I've heard stories about doctors giving healthy patients grief over their guns. I'd hate to see you bring more stress on because you're trying to do the right thing. The important thing is to make sure that she can't get her hands on them.

    This question is to give you an idea that you might not be thinking about. Did your mother ever give your father power of attorney? The attorney that my family uses does this as part of the planning process, so they might have it and you don't even know about it. I'm asking because this might be helpful if you need your mother's consent to sell the guns. It might come in handy if she refuses, is unable to consent, or if you feel the need to do it without telling her. I know that last part sounds cold, but when quality time may be short you don't want to spend it arguing about things that don't need to be argued about.
    Phil and Kilvinsky like this.
  10. Fuzzywuzzy

    Fuzzywuzzy MassCops Member

    Not trying to be funny....but just take them and hide/lock them up somewhere.
    If she asks about them remind her she sold them years ago. Worked for me.
    mtc, Phil, HistoryHound and 2 others like this.
  11. Hush

    Hush Moderator Staff Member

    That's actually the simplist and easiest solution.
    Kilvinsky likes this.
  12. Phil

    Phil New Member

    Thanks everyone, the past few weeks have sucked. My dad has been keeping a lot of it to himself and has only recently come clean with the details of how bad things are.

    @Hush Thanks for the kind words... She's been just a little off for a few years (nothing major, just occasional confusion) but things have been getting bad quickly the past ~9 months. Can selling on consignment be done if no one in my family (other than mom) has an LTC/FID? I live within .5 miles of a gun store so I can check with them if you aren't sure.

    @HistoryHound I suggested that she make my dad her medical proxy about a year ago (she didn't deal well with that suggestion). Long story short, she agreed to let him go to doctors appointments with her in lieu of him becoming her proxy. I'll bring this up to my dad next time I talk to him.

    @Fuzzywuzzy I actually had a similar thought. I haven't seen her gun safe but my dad mentioned that its secured with a combination lock. I'm not sure if its able to be reset but I figured that he might be able to reset the combination and that would be 95% of a solution. The handguns are the primary concern (and stored in the safe). The long gun is ancient(1895), weighs like 15lbs, and hasn't had any maintenance in 40+ years. The cartridges she owns are easily 30 years old so I don't think she's going to do much with that. She does have enough lucid days where I'm worried she would freak out if she found the guns missing whereas a "faulty" safe could be explained.
    mtc likes this.
  13. mtc

    mtc High Priestess Staff Member

    Sounds like a good plan.. bank on her confusion - but it'd be up to dad to get the LTC out of her wallet.. IF it's even still valid (not expired).
    You just want to prevent her from purchasing something new, hiding, relocking the old may be the ticket. Who's to know that she even knows the combination anyway! ( I wouldn't !)

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