# Cop Jokes



## daveh (Feb 6, 2003)

Got any good ones? Here is one to start... Ready?

Two peanuts were walking down the street; one was a-saulted.

Whaaant-waaaaah! :lol:


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## TruthSeeker2 (Aug 23, 2002)

The other day I was on my way home from work when the most remarkable thing happened. Traffic was heavy as usual, and as I sat there at a red light, out of nowhere a bird slammed into my windshield. If that wasn't bad enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck under the windshield wiper. 
Just then the light turned green and there I was with a bird stuck on my windshield. Without any other apparent options, turning on the windshield wipers seemed the only thing to do. It actually worked. 
On the upswing, the bird flew off, and here is the crazy thing... it slammed right onto the windshield of the car behind me. No, it didn't get caught under the windshield wipers of that vehicle, but the car behind me was a police car. 
Of course, knowing my luck, immediately the lights went on and I was forced to pull over. The officer walked up and told me he saw what had happened at the light. Trying to plead my case fell on deaf ears. He simply stated: I am going to have to write you up for flipping me the bird. :shock: 

(And I haven't spoken to JB1971 since  :twisted: )


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## Christopher (Oct 21, 2002)

That was pretty funny!


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## Dr.Magoo (May 2, 2002)

I don't know which is worse.....the jokes being posted or...me actually laughing at them :L: (I'm so burnt out!).


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## daveh (Feb 6, 2003)

http://www.all-humor.com/police-jokes.php3#

Click on the "crazy cop" - Oh, wouldn't you just love to? :arrow: :yes:


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## EsxPD319 (Mar 16, 2003)

I don't know which is worse.....the jokes being posted or...me actually laughing at them (I'm so burnt out!). nfire: 

:L: :L: :L: :L: :L: :L: 

BURNT OUT IS RIGHT (hehehehe) just kidding Bart.....


Ed


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## FghtNIrsh17 (Nov 8, 2002)

8O DAMN I cant believe I just saw that!!!! I am just lost for words


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## Foxracingmtnridr (Feb 23, 2003)

smatson said:


> http://www.all-humor.com/police-jokes.php3#
> 
> Click on the "crazy cop" - Oh, wouldn't you just love to? :arrow: :yes:


If only it were that easy!! \/ 
That was awesome! =D>

Scott unk:


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## daveh (Feb 6, 2003)

Ready for this one? Oh, this is great! A commercial comes on first, but suck it up and watch. Unreal. Click on the two *Bad-Ass-Meter-Maid *clips.

http://search.shockwave.com/search/?sp-c=3000&site=af&sp-a=sp100190fc&sp-p=all&sp-q=meter+maid

Can we say "Impersonating a police officer?"
--"That'll be a $1000 ticket ma'am."


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## LeadDog17 (May 3, 2002)

:x :x :x :BM: 

I feel like I have a pretty good sense of humor and can take a joke, but that Jackass/Tom Green stuff drives me insane. Some of it is funny, but I get real annoyed when people pull stuff like that on innocent bystanders. This meter maid case in particular. Most of us here would have the sense and ability to question this guy for some credentials or walk away if he was disturbing us. However, the general public might see that uniform and badge and automatically assume it's legit (looked pretty real to me). Sure, it's funny to the first five people, but that sixth person might have some issues. The young mother who has 30 minutes to go to her doctor appointment, get dinner and pick the kids up from school finds herself harassed by this guy for five minutes because he can lure her in by pretending to be a public safety official so he can make a 10 second clip for TV so others can get a laugh at her expense. That one decent, hard working woman does not deserve that, yet she is at his mercy because she is a good person and does not want to anger a cop.
Sorry if it sounds harsh to someone, but if I were the REAL COP who came across this guy, I wouldn't think twice before locking him up.

-Eric


Edit: ^^^^ I think I must have been in a bad mood when I wrote this, hmmmmm.


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## Gil (Jun 15, 1998)

*Re: Two Iraqis meet*

Two Iraqis meet in California. One starts to greet the other in Arabic, the
language of their native country. The other Iraqi waves him away contemptuously and says,

"We're in America now. Speak Spanish!"


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## mazz (Aug 5, 2002)

Rabbit Test 


The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all 
trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The 
President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a 
forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. 
They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of 
extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, 
killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no 
apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten 
bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!" :BE:


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## cjm74 (Mar 31, 2003)

MAZZ,
Good 1 :L:


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## Guest (Jul 1, 2003)

Mazz & Manni, I got a couple of good jokes for ya. MPD61 & MPD71. They are the biggest jokes on this site. Community College!! LMFAO ROFL


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## TruthSeeker2 (Aug 23, 2002)

Hey Housing

Welcome to America....you have the right to your opinion. But I happen to work with the both of them and I would trust my life with the both of them. Believe it or not, they are decent people. Cute as puppy dogs too, you almost want to put a little collar on them and take them home at night.......Well, OK, at least throw them some table scraps. :sh: So before you go bashing people (them and others), why don't you try and get to know them. (WOW that almost sounds like a human thing to do). We are all brothers-in-arms, so just remember, some people believe what YOU DO and where YOU work  could be construed as a joke. So those who live in glass houses, brother... :NO: 
As for working on a Community College, take a look at the area we are in. Our crime stats are compatable to any town or city in this are. I know, I do the crime stats and the UCR's. ](*,)

Why don't we try to work well and play well with others, then maybe someone, someday might think you are a nice person too. \/ 
Stranger things have happened :shock:

Enjoy life, Brother, it's too short to be wasting time on this BS


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## Muggsy09 (Feb 12, 2003)

That was great good for the officer. That guy fell like a ton of bricks. Nice! :L: \/


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## LeadDog17 (May 3, 2002)

Here is one from a Seinfeld routine - I think I qualify for the chalk guy!

There are different jobs for cops these days. It seems
to me that Chalk Outline Guy is one of the better jobs
that you can get. It's not too dangerous, the
criminals are long gone - that seems like a good one. 

I don't know who these guys are. I guess they're
people who wanted to be sketch artists but they
couldn't draw too well. "Uh, listen Johnson, forget
the sketches, do you think if we left the dead body
right there on the sidewalk, you could manage to trace
around it? Could you do that?" 

I don't even know how that helps them solve the crime.
They look at the thing on the ground, "Oh, his arm was
like that when he hit the pavement, that means the
killer must have been....Jim."


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## fscpd907 (Jun 5, 2003)

"Crazy Cop" :arrow: :lol:


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## daveh (Feb 6, 2003)

I got a good joke for ya - How about officers ranking on other officers because of where they work, or what their job entails? --- that's a joke! It is impossible to walk in anothers' boots unless you've been there. 

On another note... A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper.
The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab. Figuring that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked "Did I just see you swallow something?"
"Yep, that was my birth control pill," said the driver.
"Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman.
"Yep, when I saw your light, I knew I was screwed."


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## LeadDog17 (May 3, 2002)

t: 

OK, I think the topic of this thread is VERY clear. Shannon opened it as and area for everyone to relax and have a good laugh.
If you MUST keep up these petty antics, please do it someplace else!

-Eric


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## LeadDog17 (May 3, 2002)

This one is for T-Cop  

A state trooper pulls over a car for speeding and the female driver says 'I guess you want to sell me some tickets to the Trooper's Ball'. The trooper responded that 'Troopers don't have balls, ma'am.' After he realized what he said, he simply walked back to his car and drove off. Even cops don't win them all.


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## Riggs (May 30, 2003)

This was told in the station the other day and it was hillarious.

Two gay guys are walking by a mortuary. One turns to the other and says wanna go in and suck down a couple of cold ones.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: 

Do you know Boston? Two hamsters are walking past 1254 Boylston St. and one turns to the other and says wanna go in and get shitfaced.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## mpd61 (Aug 7, 2002)

Riggs said:


> This was told in the station the other day and it was hillarious.
> 
> Two gay guys are walking by a mortuary. One turns to the other and says wanna go in and suck down a couple of cold ones.
> 
> ...


Ghee Whiz Riggs!
What with the ****-phobic gay bashing?
:shock:


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## Riggs (May 30, 2003)

A little politically incorrect but I won't call that gay bashing, mpd61. But to each their own i guess. HousingCop knows all about it. JK HC.


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## fscpd903 (Jun 6, 2003)

smatson said:


> Got any good ones? Here is one to start... Ready?
> 
> Two peanuts were walking down the street; one was a-saulted.
> 
> Whaaant-waaaaah! :lol:


Oh no!! i thought #11 taught you better than that #-o


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## daveh (Feb 6, 2003)

You know it's a good one. You laughed. :lol:


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## WMassGirl (Jun 25, 2006)

1st Officer: "Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?"
2nd Officer: "Who?"
1st Officer: "Janet Jackson!"
2nd Officer: "What she do, was she speeding?"
1st Officer: "Nah, she had one headlight out."


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## jasonbr (Feb 9, 2006)

This is the oldest thread......


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