# Farewell My Friends.



## KozmoKramer (Apr 25, 2004)

I'm about to embark on an uncertain journey to which I am not sure about my sound return.

That's right, I have volunteered to be a camp leader for my Cub Scout den for the next week. Dear God have mercy on my soul.

13 boys and 5 adult leaders. The math already says were outnumbered.
I'll be hoarse by Tuesday, just with my own 2 boys!
"KNOCK IT OFF!" "PUT THAT DOWN!" "DON'T EAT THAT!"

Common sense, if I had any, would have told me to do "day camp".
Oh that's a novel idea, home by 18:00!
But no, I elected to sign my tribe up for overnight camp, in the woods, with the bugs, no room service, and sharing a tent with a sleep apnic snorer with night terrors.
Oh yay to be me.

Even my hunting camp has twin 8kw generators and portable Dish Network.
Oh, and did I mention? No nipping while at Cubby camp.
I'll be counting Coronas, Black & Tans or Patron margaritas instead of sheep. All the while being eaten alive by mosquitoes by the way.

If I don't make it back, search Camp Carpenter.
I'll be the dufuss duct taped to a tree.

Talk to you Friday, gang. (I hope.)


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## KozmoKramer (Apr 25, 2004)

LOL DD.


mtc said:


> Wait - are you taking your whole tribe? What's Mrs K going to be up to while you're gone?


I'm not sure MTC, but I noticed there was a double order left for the milkman. Go figure.


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## Mass (Jan 21, 2006)

Have fun!


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## HistoryHound (Aug 30, 2008)

Wow, you are brave. I took the Girl Scouts camping a couple of times, but I'm not really sure a night at the Museum of Science & Children's Museum really give me the experience to offer you good advice. If you ever take the kids there, let me know. I can share first hand knowledge of why you don't want to sleep near the wave tank or giant dinosaur.

Good luck. And, remember the best thing about spending time with other people's kids is that they remind you what a good job you have done with your own.


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## Nuke_TRT (Feb 10, 2008)

Take refuge in the fort Kozman, if things get that bad, I'm sure I can make a commando raid into your perimeter to deliver the needed supplies.

I'll put them at the base of the lookout tower by the lake.


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## Mad-Dog24 (May 31, 2008)

Watch out for Canteen Boy !!!!!!!!!!


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## Tango_Sierra (May 20, 2010)

Have a blast Koz. Im sure you'll make it!


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## Guest (Aug 1, 2010)

Best wishes Koz !!!!!!!! Can I have your login and pw for the week? I'd like to do some houze keepin !!


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## Inspector (Nov 13, 2006)

Sorry I just got back from up North so perhaps you'll have already left. Having volunteered as a camp counselor I can give you some all-important advice:

1. Be sure when making night rounds that you go over to the black and white cat that you may see and give him some food. He'll appeciate it very much.

2. If you come across three leaved vegatative matter, usually growing up the side of trees etc., be sure to pick a bunch to bring back as it makes and excellent salad.

3. Sprinkle sugar around the ground cloth of your tent as it tends to keep bears away.

4. Always drink large amounts of the "bug juice" before turning in at night.

5. Always take the tent closest to the latrine as you'll have less distance to walk.

6. Don't bother with rain gear. You seldom need it.

7. Be sure to attach bungee cords to your charges so they can't go too far.

8. Tell the kids the land you are camping on is haunted.

9. Find out where the closest girls are camped and check out their chaperones.

10. Be sure to volunteer every time the opportunity presents itself.


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## Inspector (Nov 13, 2006)

15. In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear. 

If you can find that girl's camp you can get two critters at one time if you substitute the underwear waistband with a bra.


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## justanotherparatrooper (Aug 27, 2006)

USMCMP5811 said:


> I believe that is referred to as the "Double Barreled Sling Shot" :teeth_smile:


Isnt that a NFA device under the dummycrats ?


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## Nuke_TRT (Feb 10, 2008)

justanotherparatrooper said:


> Isnt that a NFA device under the dummycrats ?


Barney Frank is working hard to outlaw them altogether.


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## Cinderella (Jun 17, 2005)

KozmoKramer said:


> I'm about to embark on an uncertain journey to which I am not sure about my sound return.
> 
> That's right, I have volunteered to be a camp leader for my Cub Scout den for the next week. Dear God have mercy on my soul.
> 
> ...


hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa koz your too funny!!
lmao @ duct tapped to a tree... hope u have a great time .. im sure u will


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## SPINMASS (Jan 30, 2004)

Good Luck Koz! If you need rations send up smoke signals and we will come.


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## PAUL1604 (Apr 14, 2009)

Koz.. I can't help but think about the 1979 flick, "Meatballs". Here's a famous quote from Tripper: "But, the real excitement of course is going to come at the end of the summer, during Sexual Awareness week. We import two hundred hookers from around the world, and each camper, armed with only a thermos of coffee and two thousand dollars cash, tries to visit as many countries as he can. The winner of course is named King of Sexual Awareness week and is allowed to rape and pillage the neighboring towns until camp ends".


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## KozmoKramer (Apr 25, 2004)

Well, I'm back. Ya know, I really missed you guys and gals.
The kids had a blast, dad, not so much.

Between the heat, the hunger, the "thirst" if you catch my drift and the unbearable foot pain (I forgot my hiking boots and spent the week hiking in wet Reebok Road Supreme running shoes (very dumb), it was a little tough on big daddy.

*Top Ten Reasons Why I Will Never Spend Another Week Chaperoning Cub Scout Camp.*

*10.* Coming back after a rainstorm to totally soaked gear, including your sleeping bag.

*09.* Food portions designed for 8 year old boys. (Thanks God for hidden provisions. (See #4))

*08.* Lost voice from yelling at Cub Scouts on the trails to "SLOW DOWN", "WAIT UP", "HURRY UP", "DRINK SOME WATER", "STOP PLAYING WITH THE FIRE!", etc., etc.

*07.* Mosquitoes. All it took was a good 90 minute shower and BANG, we were covered.

*06.* Reassuring a sad boy at 23:00 who is home-sick. (Score 1 for us, we didn't lose 1 boy to homesickness)

*05.* Scout injuries. We had 1 Webelos who took an over-the-handlebars face plant during a mountain bike race and wound up in the ER with 3 stitches to the lip and a serious case of road rash.
My oldest, a Webelos 1, tripped during a hike, knee-first onto a boulder (lotsa pain, no permanent damage), but it took a while before he could put weight on it.
And my youngest, a Bear, who woke up with unidentifiable bites all over his hand and arm. (Picture attached.)
We thought they might be Chigger bites, but I don't think they are known to live in the Northeast.
Anybody got any ideas on what they could be?

*04.* Brazen chipmunks who can actually burrow through Rubbermaid containers. We lost entire packs of graham crackers for Smores, hot dog buns and Cheezits for snacks.
I never knew chipmunks were so damn strong. We lost plastic bins, backpacks and coolers that had food in them. It was insane.
I used to love chippies, next one I see I'm taking out with a .22

*03.* Food in the chow hall originally prepared for prisoners at Devils Island, but whose officials decided it was too inhumane to serve.

*02.* Equatorial Africa type heat on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Nights were unbearable. 90 minutes of total sleep a night, tops.
We got home at 16:00 yesterday, I took a long hot shower, took a 90 minute nap, had a bounty of a homecoming meal and turned in at 20:00.
Got up at 10:00 this morning. I was wiped.

And the Number One Reason Why I Will Never Spend Another Week At Cub Scout Camp

*01.* Out house latrines. Like a kick from a mule to your face.
The stench was so putrid it would have gagged a maggot. We were the last week of campers at Camp Carpenter.
Those "holes" haven't been pumped since LAST August. Weren't we the lucky ones...
Oh, and my tent was 20 feet from said outhouse. So nice on a humid 78° night.

*Only Reason Why I Will Likely Spend Another Week At Cub Scout Camp Next Summer.*

*01.* My boys loved it so much and told me they can't wait until "WE" do it again next year.
Oh well. At least I have a year to plan how to break a leg or the best way to contract African Sleeping Sickness.
Does anybody know where to find Tsetse flies around here?



Inspector said:


> Having volunteered as a camp counselor I can give you some all-important advice..





USMCMP5811 said:


> 18. When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.


I'll get you 2 S.O.B.'s don't worry about that.
I'm in misery and you two are doing stand-up at my expense. Paybacks a bitch!



mtc said:


> (think he misses us ... yet?)


Yes I did.



mtc said:


> My son's troop is planning a Kangamangus hiking trip this fall... I'm seriously thinking of going as a chaperon.


Better you than me.



mtc said:


> Boy this week flew by!!!


If you say so toots. 

DD - give me a call tonight if your free.


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## kwflatbed (Dec 29, 2004)

Quit bitchin and put your feet up and grab another beer it's all over. (till next year)


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## KozmoKramer (Apr 25, 2004)

kwflatbed said:


> Quit bitchin and put your feet up and grab another beer it's all over. (till next year)





mtc said:


> Welcome home Koz !!! Let the brew flow freely!!


One step ahead of you kids. LOL
Got a fridge full of cold Corona's while the 3 bulls watch the Sox slaughter the Crankies.


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## HistoryHound (Aug 30, 2008)

KozmoKramer said:


> Does anybody know where to find Tsetse flies around here?


I don't know about Tsetse flies, but if you hang around Beacon Hill for a while I'm sure you'll catch something from those blood suckers.


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## 8MORE (Nov 25, 2008)

Welcome home Koz........ Ya gotta watch out for those damned chipmunks...there are some great .22 air rifles out on the market. They are quiet and great family fun:teeth_smile:


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