# Find the worst personal add on the web



## SOT (Jul 30, 2004)

It's a new game here at MassCops.com

Scour the web for the worst personal add, post it, and post a link back to it...
the winner will get.... :2c:

I'll start:
http://portland.craigslist.org/w4m/104337433.html

Can you keep it real? - 24

Ok...so I have decided to change my post. I'm just going to lay it all out on the line....

My name is Candace and I am a 24 yr old single mother of two boys (ages 2 and 6 months). I am not with either of their fathers (yes they have different dads...that's why I got my tubes tied). I have never been to college but I'm not dumb...I do know what I talk about, if not, then I'll learn about it if it interests me. I don't have a lot of money as I am looking for a job. I have a great sense of humor and am very easy going. I am extremly easy to please, don't ask for much. I only have three people that I take the time to hang out with and one of them is this (-) close to getting cut loose. I like to go out dancing (if money permits). I am 420 friendly but not around my kids!!! I like to read, play pool, go bowling and whatch movies. Believe it or not but I have only been on one date...if that's what you can call it.

So...if you love kids (which you must) and want to know more abnout me let me know. If you have yahoo messenger hit me up: enticingemerald

P.S. I told myself I wasn't going to babble...sorry!


----------



## kwflatbed (Dec 29, 2004)

http://boston.craigslist.org/cas/104377375.html

Attractive Brunette looking for physical relationship

This dreary weather makes me crave some fun and affection with a smart, 
attractive, muscular guy. I'm looking for a regular, ongoing, physical situation. 
I am fun, intelligent, attractive (brown/brown, 5'6", 130, 36-28-38, pretty face), 
and independent. I'm also HSV2+, which doesn't bother some guys, especially since I'm educated and careful about it.

If your game, drop me a note and a pic.  Please make it clear that you've read 
my ad and aren't just responding blindly to every ad with a picture.

[email protected]


----------



## SOT (Jul 30, 2004)

You had me at HSV2+


----------



## kwflatbed (Dec 29, 2004)

I wonder how much action the both of them get LOL.


----------



## Officer Dunngeon (Aug 16, 2002)

*You opened up a whole new cans of worms here, SOT, LOL! Fun game though...*

email this posting to a friend
*make me your "gurl" ? - 34*

Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2005-10-16, 3:25PM EDT

I am 35, 5'10", 170 lbs, dark hair and dark eyes. I have never done anything like this before, but I have always fantasized about having a guy dress me up and making me his little slut. I have masculine features and would not be passable, but I would love to have you dress me in a sexy outfit and I especially love the thought of wearing some sexy high-heels and nylons, and maybe even a short skirt. While dressed, I would be a bit on the submissive side and would want you to take control. I would get on my knees and offer you my mouth, or maybe spread my legs and bend over the arm of the sofa....CANNOT HOST Would love to find a guy where this could be a regular, discrete thing...just our little secret...I could be your special "mistress"... Age and race are not an issue. Discretion is expected and is assured in return... 

this is in or around Dedham


----------



## CJIS (Mar 12, 2005)

***** habilis seeks **** erectus *

Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2005-10-15, 9:48PM EDT

I'm a robust, handy stone-tool maker. I prefer stone tools, you? I'm a little bit shorter than you, and my brain is not quite so big. But I have nice long arms to wrap around you, and big teeth; sort of a Julia Roberts smile of 2 million years ago. Did I mention that I'm from Africa?

You prefer fine dining, and avoid some of the tougher foods. But I would still like to take you out for dinner. Maybe something vegetarian?? I think you're less hairy than me. But that's ok. You're all natural.

Unfortunately, we won't be able to speak to each other. Turns out Broca's isn't enough. But we can still grunt at each other and use symbols dedicated to the present tense. What do you think? Want to gesture my way?


this is in or around about 2 million years ago
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


----------



## Goose (Dec 1, 2004)

I found this little gem in Missed Connections...and I just had to pass it on:

*Copley Mall Bathroom Stall - m4m*

Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2005-10-20, 6:02PM EDT

We were sitting in stalls that were next to each other. You were there when I sat down. I had a lot of gas at first, and you laughed. Then you farted and I laughed. We kept pooping and the smell became horrible. I started laughing at the smell and you followed suit. You were wearing white sneakers with black socks and jeans. I was wearing brown sandals, black jeans, and white underwear with a poop stain. I like you. 

 no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests 
 http://boston.craigslist.com/mis/105516487.html

:GNANA: :GNANA: :GNANA:


----------



## Officer Dunngeon (Aug 16, 2002)

I like that one. :L: :L: :L:


----------



## MVS (Jul 2, 2003)

SOT_II said:


> You had me at HSV2+


:NO: That puts a whole new spin on the Jerry Maquire line. (You had me at Hello)


----------



## Soccer4822 (Sep 9, 2005)

What is HSV2+? I have a guess but i'm not sure...


----------



## SOT (Jul 30, 2004)

It's the HERPES!
otherwise known as

"the gift that keeps on giving"



Soccer4822 said:


> What is HSV2+? I have a guess but i'm not sure...


----------



## no$.10 (Oct 18, 2005)

I like this game...

Hope this comes out, if not check out WriteAPrisoner.com next time you are on the desk. It's a hoot.


*







*

*Kelly Bologna*

*








*​
He's a Lady



I am a pre-op transgender who had the misfortune of being born male. However, I do identify as female and have lived as such since a very young age. I am very petite and feminine and in search of anyone who knows what it is like to go through life being different.



Of Italian descent, I am told that I have an exotic look. I am 5'7" tall and weigh approximately 125 pounds. I love music especially classic rock, and in my spare time I enjoy reading mostly about the English monarchy.



While prison can be a real cruel place, I do try to stay positive. My parents were my biggest supporters and positive force in my life, and since they passed a couple of years ago, I have been completely alone.



After many years of dealing with this difficult situation, I have decided to take a chance and venture out in search of a compassionate soul with an open-mind. If you are a kind and caring person, then I would love to correspond with you. It is my hope that I can share a little of myself with someone who is willing to listen and try to understand.



I am not into games. If you are genuine and sincere and would like to get to know me, then I hope to hear from you soon. 

*I will greatly appreciate your
letter sent directly to me at:* 

*Kelly Bologna #54707*
*ASPC - Lewis/Rast Unit*
*PO Box 3600*
*Buckeye AZ 85326** USA* As long as you have read and understand our email forward policy, we will forward your first message to this person here: E-mail me your first message.​

*General Information:*

*Race:*Caucasian*Seeking Donations:*Yes*Religion:*n/a*Home Town:*Phoenix, AZ*Earliest Release Date:*04/20/2009*Marital Status:*Single*Date Of Birth:*4/10/1965*Latest Release Date:*n/a*Eyes:*Brown*Incarcerated Since:*1990*Hair:*Black*Ad Type:*Personal*Sexual Orientation:*n/a*Sex:*Transgender*Correspond Overseas:*No*Incarcerated For:*Armed Robbery*Seeking Legal Help:*Yes*Astrological Sign:*Aries*On Death Row:*No*Ad Started On:*12/1/2004*Serving Life Sentence:*No*Ad Ends On:*12/1/2005​​


----------



## Bob_A_Fett (Aug 31, 2005)

These are some from Esquire.com's brutally honest personals:
http://www.esquire.com/brutal/
*Laurel R.*
*Age:* 46
*Height:* 5'
*Weight:* 140
*Occupation:* Retired paralegal/Web designer/personal trainer 
*Location:* Walnut Creek, California 
*Sexual History:* Before I got married, I kept the names of men I slept with in a binder.

I have herpes, but I don't give it away. I've got fabulous boobs, and I'm only slightly overweight. My skin, however, is embarrassingly loose from years of yo-yo dieting. I have a golden retriever and five rabbits. The dog sleeps on my bed, and the rabbits live in the kitchen. My health is good except for the chronic depression, the two heart attacks I had last year, the sciatica, and the degenerative joint disease. I am a recovering drug addict, a recovering bulimic, a recovering shopaholic, and a recovering sex addict. 
*REDEEMING QUALITIES:*
I have integrity and a great sense of humor, not to mention money and brains, but I won't date you unless you do, too.

*Michelle H.*
*Age:* 52 
*Height and weight:* 6 inches too short or 40 pounds too heavy
*Occupation:* Real estate consultant 
*Location:* Renton, Washington 
*Last time had sex:* Clinton's first term
*A note on getting me into the sack: *Men seem to think that because I am not pretty or slim, I am an easy lay, one who won't expect much in return. Well, not true. I am a tough old broad who doesn't take any crap but does like a little BDSM [bondage/sadomasochism].

My breasts sag enough that I could throw them over my shoulders to fend off cold, and my stomach seems to be following them south. If you get to see me naked, you'll notice that my skin is pale enough to light a room. I have been divorced for years and haven't had sex (except with myself) since. I rarely date, and I assume this is because the good men are either dead, married, or still in puberty.

*Kirk W.*
*Age:* 30
*Height:* 5'11"
*Weight:* 185 
*Occupation:* Unemployed 
*Number of sexual partners:* 0
*Last date:* Never
*Location:* San Francisco
*Seeking:* A good-looking, intelligent woman who can overlook my physical shortcomings and teach me about love. Please hurry.

I am a thirty-year-old virgin on the verge of giving up on love. When I do have a job, it's low paying, and credit consolidators take half of what I earn. I'm behind on my rent, emotionally closed, and take medication to treat my depression. I'm short, not that attractive, a little fat, and have a very small penis. I also have a problem with excessive farting. I studied mathematics in college but still live under the delusional hope of becoming an actor.

*Dave S.*
*Age:* 57
*Height:* 6'2"
*Weight:* 255
*Occupation:* Graphic artist
*Location:* New Jersey
*Number of sexual partners:*15 to 20 (not at once, however)
*Last time had sex:* June 2003

I'm an overweight, middle-aged underachiever. The skull tattoos on my arms complement my wardrobe, which I call rural proletarian. I sleep on the floor in a sparsely furnished apartment. I urinate frequently and pick my nose. I'm embarrassed that I own a Bible. After a tragic foray into Santeria, I've incurred crushing debt. 
*SEXUAL HABITS:*
Can be summed up simply: brief digital, extended oral, premature genital. I have herpes


----------



## no$.10 (Oct 18, 2005)

*BWWWWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!*

Are these for real? I can't tell. Maybe bored college students posting as a lark...or bored cops. There's no one more creative than a bored cop.


----------

