# Need help with my 17 year old son



## Guest (Dec 13, 2005)

I need guidance here. I have a 17 year-old son who has really started going the wrong way. He's got an 18 year-old girlfriend who's a high school dropout, doesn't work, major loser. He's recently tried pot and a couple of other drugs, he's snuck out of the house in the middle of the night to go to her place and has skipped school as recently as today to go hang at her place. We've spoken with both the girl and her mother, and the mother was aware that my son was at her house today, just as she was aware each and every time he showed up at her house after either cutting school or in the middle of the night. When we got to their house after confirming with the school that he wasn't there, my husband got out of the car and the mother, from a neighbor's porch, told him that he was in the house, he had missed his bus. My husband knocked on the door, girlfriend answered and tried to say he wasn't there. To which, my husband told her he most certainly was, that he had "missed his bus".

Just from the incident today, can I file criminal charges against both the mother and the daughter for knowing that the minor was cutting school and hanging at their house with permission? He has used drugs in her home with her, provided by her. What can I do with this information? I've set up a block on our phone so she can't call (she tried to call this afternoon and has been told not to call again...she'll ignore it). Is it possible to get a restraining order against her, or are those only for domestic situations?

We have to look at treatment programs for him now and are at a complete loss as we have no insurance. He's slowly throwing his life away and it's a fight getting this chick away from him. He's not thinking straight at all.

Thanks for any help or advice that can be offered.

Karen


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## 94c (Oct 21, 2005)

Your son is seventeen, he doesn't have to go to school if he doesn't want to. He doesn't qualify for a CHINS (Child in Need of Services) because he is now an adult as far as Ma. Courts go. 

You can get a restraining order on behalf of your son. But it has to be on his behalf not yours. (Good Luck with that one)

The mother could be charged with Contributing to the delinquency of a minor but not without your son' s testimony. Sounds like your son is growing up, but not the way you want. He is, unfortunately, entering that stage where he is going to have to take responsibility for his actions.

It's too bad, you will have to wait until he gets drug dependent before the courts will step in and commit him as an abuser under a section 35.

Just hope you don't become a grandmother soon.

Where is doctor Phil when you need him?


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## CJIS (Mar 12, 2005)

I'm sorry but there is not too much I can think of that you can do. I can tell you right off the top of my head you have the right to acquire a Notice of Trespass thus making it illegal for her to come on to your property. If she repeatedly calls your home after you have told her not too, you may be able to file for some sort of harassment claim. Since your son is 17 he is considered to be at a somewhat fuzzy age when it comes to being considered a juvenile. If I can think of anything else I will be sure to let you know.


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## no$.10 (Oct 18, 2005)

Do you have any relatives far away (preferably another state) that would be willing to take him in (if you pay support).

It seems to me the only way he's gonna stay away from these bad influences is to be forced away. (Maybe even the threat will be sufficient).

I think engaging in whatever action against the girlfriend and her mother are only going to make you the "bad guy" and force him deeper into this bad relationship. (Mother will then turn "rescuer" and take him in...)

Anyhow, that's the best idea I can come up with, good luck...


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## sempergumby (Nov 14, 2003)

Send his ass off to boot camp.


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## Guest (Dec 13, 2005)

Send him to Grafton Job Corps. I'll straighten him out. If that doesn't work, there are plenty of soldiers on this site that can suggest another option...


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## 94c (Oct 21, 2005)

sempergumby said:


> Send his ass off to boot camp.


There goes my Doctor Phil idea...


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## Guest (Dec 16, 2005)

*Thanks all*

I figured there really wasn't a whole lot I could do here. But I did sit down with him a few nights ago, as did his dad. I explained that he did not have our permission to do these things, that I understood he'd more than likely ignore us, and that if he should choose to cut school or sneak out to see her, we would not chase him. But we WOULD send the police after him as he is still our responsibility and they would be informed of narcotics in that house. He's thinking a little harder now, I just don't know for how long that'll happen.

And if I could send this kid to boot, I would! But we are leaving for Parris Island tomorrow as my oldest son is graduating from boot camp next week. He IS going with us, and I'm hoping being away from her and seeing how his brother turned his life around will make some impact on him.

I do appreciate all that has been said here. And I hope to God I don't become a grandmother anytime soon myself! I'd be one really ticked off 40 year old grandmother!!


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## Guest (Dec 16, 2005)

Karen, Stay strong and don't be afraid to call the police if you know he has drugs or is committing a crime. Keep a log of his actions and what actions you have taken. When he finally ends up in court you maybe able to work with the ADA and Judge on his reeducation and discipline. The courts let half the criminals walk right out the door with only court costs anyways with no plans. If you show an interest, maybe the court will for once.


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## no$.10 (Oct 18, 2005)

While I do hope the older brother can have a positive influence on Mr. 17, I have to sincerely doubt that "lecturing" is really going to help.

Your original post has you putting a block on your phone, driving around looking for him, getting into minor arguements with some trashy broad, and looking to pay out of pocket for a rehab program.

If he skips school, maybe you should drive him there? and pick him up, or arrange for someone else to.

"courtreprt66"-do youy work in the court system? Surely then you have heard mothers come in daily with "I will do this for him, I told him to stay away from that crowd, that wasn't my son because I bought him a car, etc." Can you recognize yourself?

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it seems to me that things are beyond the "lecture/empty threats" stage. 

You have referred to your husband/his dad, if he lives with you and a stepfather, maybe it is time for a change of venue?

Good luck, honestly, but I suspect if you keep enabling him, you will be posting in six months, "Can the cops really arrest my son when it was his girlfriend's pot?"


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## k12kop (May 24, 2005)

Consider speaking with your older son, inform him what little brother has been putting you through, I'm sure big brother will be more than willing to help you motivate younger brother back on track. Then go spend some time shopping or go to the movies with your husband while things get sorted out.


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## Guest (Dec 23, 2005)

*Yeah, I've heard some things in court*

What I expect to be posting in six months is this: He turned 18, dropped out of school, moved in with the loser g/f and her mother and that she's now pregnant. Believe me when I say I don't enable him. I am so limited in what I can do. The kid needs a serious butt-kicking and I wish to GOD I could give it to him without going to jail myself. I just got back from Parris Island where my oldest graduated basic. I had always told him that he would find I was tougher to deal with than his DIs. I was joking, but he did say to me that there was a degree of truth to it. Because I was such a tough mom, he was more prepared for what went on in basic and dealing with what was in front of him.

The 17 year old has been told that if he takes off again we will not chase him. We will contact the police and give them all information necessary to try to get a search warrant for her home for drug possession. He will be brought home by the police. If he decides to drop out at 18, he's out. He knows this. He will NOT live in our house and expect us to take care of him if he does that.

And you're right. Lectures aren't going to do a damn thing for him. I've told his brother not to bother. To talk with him, try to relate, but forget the lectures. He's just going to have to fall and learn on his own, just as my oldest son had to learn.

We can't just allow him to run off and do his own thing. There are certain things we are required to do by law because of his age. We are meeting those requirements and that is it. He has a home to live in, water, food, a bed to sleep in, clean clothes. I love him and would give my life for him, but I will not coddle him, I will not encourage him in this direction and I will not tolerate disrespect of myself and our home so that he can go do loser things with his loser g/f. Yes, Dad is at home and in the picture. Dad coddles him a bit, but not excessively. Still, even that little bit is too much as far as I'm concerned. He has done nothing to earn it at all.

I'm not going to drive him to and from school. He needs to be accountable for himself. I refuse to chase him around anymore, ever again. He can face the consequences of his decisions. If he decides to not go to school, then he can deal with it. The last time he cut school was the last time I went after him. He was informed of that and he knows better than to call my bluff. So, if he does he'll deal. If he decides to move out, he gets no help from here. He knocks her up, he needs to deal with that. If he should realize that he's messing up and needs to fix himself, we'll be there for him in a heartbeat to encourage him in whatever positive way we can. But I know this kid is going to starting facing some very harsh realities over the next year or so. And man, he's really going to hate it all.

You speak in the same direct manner that I do. I don't take what you said as being harsh or cruel in any way. I know what a [email protected] I can be here. I know how tough I am, and I tell it like it is with everyone, including my own kids. No one has ever heard me say "Not my child" or seen me behave in that way. I know my kids...I know what they're capable of, and I have no problem taking hard and decisive action with them whatsoever.


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## SinePari (Aug 15, 2004)

*Re: Yeah, I've heard some things in court*



CourtReprtr66 said:


> The kid needs a serious butt-kicking and I wish to GOD I could give it to him without going to jail myself.


I was a serious pain in the ass to my mom and step dad at 17...until they both put their collective boots in my ass and said ship up or ship out. 2 months after I graduated high school I was in boot camp.

5 years on active duty without mommy and daddy does one of two things: Either figure out life on your own and keep screwing it up, or it makes you realize what your parents were trying to do by keeping you straight and narrow.

If he's not working, paying room and board and generally not contributing to the household in anyway...out the door he goes.


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## Tessa (Dec 27, 2005)

*Re: Yeah, I've heard some things in court*

You're in a tough situation, and I don't know what more you could do to help him besides keep giving him advice and hope that he eventually realizes the error of his ways. But wouldn't kicking him out of your house or calling the police on him just cause him to break all ties with you and mess up his life even more? What if he keeps going in a bad direction and ends up homeless or imprisoned for a serious crime--would you really be able to walk away and not let it bother you? At least if he's still in your house and doesn't hate you, you can give him some guidance.


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