# Welfare Check From GFs Abusive Family



## Random2355 (Nov 27, 2021)

So recently my GF moved in with me and she has decided that it would be best if she cut her family out of her life. Her entire life she has been abused in different ways, and when she got older, they stopped beating her but continued abusing her mentally and guilting her for money and taking everything from her. She never spoke out cause she had nowhere to go to until she met me. Last week, she sent a text message to her family and told them she was done and moving on with her life and that she wouldn't talk to them again. She proceeded to keep the phone off and I got her a new one. This morning the police showed up to do a welfare check because her mother called. My entire house works nightshift and me and my mum were out shopping since it's her day off. The cop of course did his job and knocked and ended up waking the entire house. And I'm rambling, I apologize, bottom line is this. 
Is it possible to prevent her mother and family in general from doing welfare checks? We can't keep having the police come by and honestly I don't see this being the last time. Should we go to the local police and explain things there?

I even texted her today to tell her my GF is done and that we'd go to the cops if needed. And she's being all cocky towards me saying she has the right to check on her child and a restraining order couldn't stop her since she wouldn't be directly contacting my GF. I mean she's full on crazy. She thinks my GF is just gonna message her soon and she's waiting for it.


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## Foxy85 (Mar 29, 2006)

I’m gonna assume that everyone involved are adults.

So even though she’s an adult, (I’m guessing she’s a very young adult) if her mother is doing a well being check on her, there’s not a lot you can do if mom is sincerely concerned for her daughter.

She’s not being held against her will. She’s not being abused by you or prevented from seeing her family. There’s little her mom can do about it. Once police establish that she’s fine. It’s the end of it.

Anyway, once the police are called for a well being check, any subsequent well-being checks are going to be met with skepticism if she’s in-fact not in any danger, or the concerns being relayed to them are unfounded. Beyond that if it continues, I’m sure whatever local PD will be getting fed up and probably have a conversation with said mother. 

I’m sure there are unknown variables going on. So I’ll leave your generic question, with my generic response.

Now sit back and enjoy any additional insight or wisdom from fellow members.


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## Random2355 (Nov 27, 2021)

Foxy85 said:


> I’m gonna assume that everyone involved are adults.
> 
> So even though she’s an adult, (I’m guessing she’s a very young adult) if her mother is doing a well being check on her, there’s not a lot you can do if mom is sincerely concerned for her daughter.
> 
> ...


So she's 22, so yeah a young adult. Thank you for the information, I wasnt sure if I should go to my local police and inform them. Her momma honestly can be crazy at times and I'm worried about her trying to find ways to annoy us or contact us


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## KPD54 (Oct 30, 2020)

Random2355 said:


> So she's 22, so yeah a young adult. Thank you for the information, I wasnt sure if I should go to my local police and inform them. Her momma honestly can be crazy at times and I'm worried about her trying to find ways to annoy us or contact us


In maine, you can get a PFH order from a judge(protection from harassment) order if someone is harassing you. You’ll have to find out the local laws wherever your from, but I believe that most places have something similar. If your relatives become a problem, talk to an attorney for guidance on how to go about it in your state. Otherwise, If I was your local PD, I’d appreciate an explanation on the situation, so I don’t think letting them know is a bad idea.


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## Sooty (Nov 1, 2018)

You keep referring to your "local police".
They'd have been the ones to do the well being check in the first place, no?

GF could politely explain to the officers that there's an estrangement and she's moved on and cut ties with her mother and the rest of the family - AND - that they've been informed of that. 
Inform them her new household works overnights and there is no reason to wake the family. Give the police her phone number so they can call next time rather than wake everyone up. 
SHE should let them know she expects further harassment from them and, while apologizing for tying them up, ask that they kindly document each attempt so she can use it for a restraining order. 
And contacting the police to "check" is, actually violating the order. 

Now, to be honest, it SOUNDS like she's gone from one manipulative, controlling situation to another - you. 

Best you stay out of it and refrain from any contact with her family. If they're as you say they'll turn it on you. 

And get her into therapy!


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## RodneyFarva (Jan 18, 2007)

Sooty said:


> while apologizing for tying them up, ask that they kindly document each attempt so she can use it for a restraining order.


BOOM! Slam dunk for Sooty. 

I'm assuming you live in the Commonwealth. 
She is an adult, 18+ and there is no legal conservatorship with her parents. 
She is of sound mind and body (not mentality handicap or in need of medical assistance).
And she is with you by her own free will.



Random2355 said:


> Should we go to the local police and explain things there?


Honestly this in not a bad idea and start creating a paper trail. 
From there most police department or even court houses can get her in touch with a domestic victim advocate.

Here are some links, the first two are the law verbatim so there is a lot of "where as" or "as defined in chapter X section Y of sub section Z... blah.. blah.. blah.." It can be confusing at times and mind numbing. 






Chapter 209A







malegislature.gov










Chapter 258E







malegislature.gov





This Link is for a gentlemen by the name of John Sofis Scheft he writes books that pretty much breaks down the law(s) as they are written and makes them a bit easier to understand. The books Criminal law and Procedure are your best bet, but I think he has one pertaining just to domestic abuse so you may want to drop him an email.





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Law Enforcement Dimensions






www.ledimensions.com









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Massachusetts Office for Victim Assistance


MOVA is an independent state agency governed by the Victim and Witness Assistance Board. MOVA strives to advance victim rights by ensuring all victims and survivors of crime across the Commonwealth are supported and empowered through access to high-quality services that are trauma-informed...




www.mass.gov









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Mass CLAVC - Massachusetts Civil Legal Aid for Victims of Crime


Are you a victim of crime in Massachusetts? Get help and information about civil legal aid programs, your legal rights, and important community resources




massclavc.org










Address Confidentiality Program


The Address Confidentiality Program is a confidential mail forwarding system for victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking who are eligible to participate.




www.sec.state.ma.us





Any questions please ask.


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## Foxy85 (Mar 29, 2006)

209A is the appropriate order in this case, assuming she meets the qualifying thresholds to get one. 

258E is a joke. It’s intended design was essentially for sexual assault victims who otherwise couldn’t qualify for a 209A order. Instead its typically neighbors who hate eachother trying to get one over on the other through the courts and wasting everyone’s time …. Anyway, getting off track here.

As you were…


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