# Should my daughter visit her mother in jail?



## 1924 (Sep 3, 2013)

My wife, who is also mother of my fourteen year old is in jail for six months. I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions, She also never did anything bad at all before this And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment.. Also, her mother is showing regret and no defense at what she did . I am thinking of letting my daughter visit her and have her still be involved with her child because she was never an absent or abusive parent or anything.

I was thinking of allowing my daughter to visit her. But I am not sure if I should because I don't think my daughter to be exposed to a prison environment. It is nothing to do with the mother is solely the environment. Also I hear it is a hassle to get in and you don't even get much time to speak. Seeing her mom there might be a bad image

My daughter seems to be taking it fine , she said it is kind of cool that her mother is locked up and is now the one being ordered around by others. This is weird because she never had a bad relationship with her mother. I asked what she meant and she said she was just joking. I think that is OK to try to crack a joke to make the situation feel less bad and that a better way of handing the situation instead of being hysterical about it

If I do allow her what should I tell her in advance to prepare her?


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## 1924 (Sep 3, 2013)

263FPD said:


> Your daughter is how old?
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


14


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## 1924 (Sep 3, 2013)

263FPD said:


> Jail or not, still her mother.


yes, but I would still like to prepare her. Also, maybe talking on the phone would be overall better


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## Guard Hard (Sep 26, 2010)

263FPD said:


> Jail or not, still her mother.


Exactly. There's not even a question about it.


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## wwonka (Dec 8, 2010)

It might be good for both of them. For your wife it will help her keep her connection to the outside. And for your daughter maybe she will see its not a place she wants to end up. 


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## 1924 (Sep 3, 2013)

I already said it is not because of the mother, it is the environment.


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## Truck (Apr 3, 2006)

Mothers always a mother. I hate using this liberal term but it could be a teachable moment.


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## Pvt. Cowboy (Jan 26, 2005)

mtc said:


> Get her to a therapist, then see what they think. That's not a joke - sounds like she makes light of mom's issues.


That's probably the best route to go. Discuss it further with your daughter, ask if she wants to talk to someone about it. I wouldn't necessarily say "therapist," say something like "an expert who's dealt with these things" when describing whom she'd be speaking with.

It's a part of her life now, so it's best to make sure you don't tip toe around the issue but rather tackle it hard as you can. I'm also a bit curious as to why you'd ask the advice from strangers on a law enforcement forum, as opposed to family members or friends? That's not a dig, just wondering why you took this route.


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## Hush (Feb 1, 2009)

How about writing letters. Good for both of them, and takes time so the 6 months will fly. Unless your daughter needs some straightening out, in which a visit to the greybar motel might be beneficial.


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## pahapoika (Nov 5, 2006)

I hate to see people bringing their kids into the prison. maybe you should just let the wife sit there for the six months . Then both your daughter and wife will know that there are repercussions for those type of actions.

my concern would be your daughter thinking it's cool to go visit her mother in prison. it's not unusual to see multiple family members in prison. For some families prison can be a generational thing.

this is not a slight to your family. only something I've seen over the years . in today's crazy society some people view incarceration as a badge of Honor.

good luck and may your wife learn a lesson from this and stay out of trouble


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## Guest (Sep 3, 2013)

I think the phone calls and letters at first then maybe a visit. Having her talk to someone or there is most likely some kind of book about this situation.


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## 7costanza (Aug 29, 2006)

I was going to say no, until I read your daughter "thinks its cool shes locked up" bring her to show her ITS NOT "cool". Its a fuckin travesty, when I was growing up anyone arrested or in jail was a criminal, not somene to look up to, Ever since Lindesy and Paris did hard time its been made to look like its just that "cool". My brother just got released from San Quentin after 16 yrs of a life sentence and my other brother is in Cherokee County Ga prison, its not cool. Good luck, hopefully this Is her first time in, and her last.


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## HistoryHound (Aug 30, 2008)

I have to agree with the others. If your daughter thinks going to jail is cool; then, she needs a wake up call and a visit to mom might not be a bad idea. You know your daughter, so what is your gut telling you? If it's not going to benefit your daughter to visit; then, that's something that your wife will just have to live with. Not being able to actively participate in your daughter's life for 6 months is part of the consequences for your wife's actions.



OCKS said:


> I think the phone calls and letters at first then maybe a visit. Having her talk to someone or there is most likely some kind of book about this situation.


There are, but they're geared toward younger kids. Trying to find something for older kids just brings up episodes of Teen Mom, go figure.

http://www.amazon.com/My-Daddy-Jail...TF8&qid=1378221876&sr=8-1&keywords=daddy+jail

http://www.amazon.com/The-Night-Dad...TF8&qid=1378221876&sr=8-2&keywords=daddy+jail


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## LGriffin (Apr 2, 2009)

I understand that you're trying to protect your daughter but the damage has already been done. Her mother is in jail. Your daughter is now left dealing with all sorts of feelings in addition to trying to be a "normal teenager." If your daughter wants to visit her mother, keeping them apart may do more harm than good. The best thing that you can do is to advise your wife that she's coming in advance.

Prior to the visit, you must locate the website of the House of Correction to learn about their visitation policy. If your daughter is not dressed accordingly, she could be barred from visiting her mother and that will only add to an already stressful event.

This guide may also help:
http://www.f2f.ca.gov/res/pdf/ResourceGuideforTeens.pdf


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## grn3charlie (Jul 18, 2005)

At the risk of sounding all mushy, here is the thing. For all intents and purposes, you are the custodial parent. You have to make the best decision possible for your daughter yourself. I agree with the others. Do your research and consult with a psychologist. But, before you make that final decision, get input from your daughter. At 14 she has to have some sort of an opinion. If she does not want to do it then do not force her. If she wants to then follow your conscience.


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## grn3charlie (Jul 18, 2005)

mtc said:


> He's not only the custodial parent - but he's still "with" the wife.


I'm definitely following you on that mtc, it just seems that he is running the show for 6 months. There is only so much she can do right now.


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## gm7988 (Jul 18, 2010)

Maybe it's because I'm on the complete other side of it, but jail looks like the most miserable place in the world. I would take her in so she can see how shitty it is seeing as she thinks it's cool.


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## 1924 (Sep 3, 2013)

Well it looks like most people I ask say it is a good idea because she gets to see her mother and seeing where you go when you commit a crime can only be educational. Do you agree with this?


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## grn3charlie (Jul 18, 2005)

Do you? Does she? Does your daughter?


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## wwonka (Dec 8, 2010)

I agree in that maybe she'll see its not as cool or as fun as it looks. 

Like someone else suggested, If you do decide to take her make sure you check the entrance procedures. No embedded jewelry allowed. 

It sucks to travel any distance to get turned away for something silly. 

Sent from my GALAXY S3 using Tapatalk


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## Killjoy (Jun 23, 2003)




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## HistoryHound (Aug 30, 2008)

I'm still at a loss why you're relying on the opinions of "other people" and a bunch of strangers on the internet. While it's good to have a support system that can give you advice, the decision is yours to make. 

I don't want to speak for everyone here, but if you're looking for someone to give you a definitive go, no go; then, I doubt you're going to find it here. You really need to find out what your daughter wants, think about how it will affect her, and talk to a therapist as folks have mentioned.

Oh and let's not forget that you are only talking about 6 months. Yes it's a long time for a child to be separated from a parent, but 6 months will go by before you know it. I can't emphasize this point enough, if you want your daughter to go because it's in her best interest, that's one thing. If you're doing it because you don't want your wife, that's something entirely different. Your wife will just have to deal with it. Remember the men and women in our military are away from their families longer than that during deployment and they haven't done anything wrong.


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## 1924 (Sep 3, 2013)

Do you think it is a good idea to ask questions to her mother about how it is like?


What are some good questions to ask?


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## Goose (Dec 1, 2004)

Question has been asked and answered. You would be best off consulting with a professional psychologist (which we are obviously not) for them help you find your answers. Thread locked.


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