# It's an old saying I just made up



## HistoryHound (Aug 30, 2008)

We've all heard some interesting sayings and some folks have come up with one or two of their own. This thread is for old sayings that don't get said much anymore and new sayings that sound like they could be an old saying or just plain old interesting sayings.

The one I like to use with girls' boyfriends is: It's never too late to make a bad impression.


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## visible25 (Feb 7, 2012)

Life is a narrow bridge, the only thing that matters is that you don't be afraid


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## Johnny Law (Aug 8, 2008)

I was asked once at the beginning of shift change if I had any words of wisdom to share. 

My reply " Don't piss in your pants just to check if your fly is down"


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## Guest (Sep 1, 2013)

Two I learned from my mom "What the shit the fuck", When someone says I thought they could do something "You know what thought did, he shit his pants but only thought he did."


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## RodneyFarva (Jan 18, 2007)

The only way three men can keep a secret is, if two of them are dead.


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## RZero (Nov 10, 2012)

Never be worth more laying down than standing up.


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## RZero (Nov 10, 2012)

Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.


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## RZero (Nov 10, 2012)

Man who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.


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## Kilvinsky (Jan 15, 2007)

MY yearbook quote: "Time Flies, but ONLY between periods."

take it however you want.

My favorite: "Better to HAVE and not need, then NEED and not have."


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## Hush (Feb 1, 2009)

RodneyFarva said:


> The only way three men can keep a secret is, if two of them are dead.


The hells angels are a big fan of that one.


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## HousingCop (May 14, 2004)

Save your breath....... you'll need it later to blow up your date.


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## Bloodhound (May 20, 2010)

I accidentally made one up on vacation last week. There may have been adult beverages involved.

"That was the final straw in the camel's coffin".


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## RodneyFarva (Jan 18, 2007)

Hush said:


> The hells angels are a big fan of that one.


What can I say I'm a "dirty" "81" <---that uses smileys.


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## Kilvinsky (Jan 15, 2007)

"A rolling stone, will give you a hell of a bruise."

There are LOADS of great quotes in these clips. Long, but funny.


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## grn3charlie (Jul 18, 2005)

Does the pope shit in the woods?
Is a bear catholic?


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## Guest (Sep 3, 2013)

One of my favorites " Common Sense is not a common virtue"


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## Mr Scribbles (Jul 7, 2012)

_Drop a dime _phone calls haven't been a dime in 20 years, AND snitches get stitches&#8230;

 _Dime a dozen_ seriously, nothing is that cheap anymore&#8230;

 _Dollars to doughnuts_ not that I would know, but doughnuts now cost $1.25 (so I've heard)&#8230;

 _Take that to the bank_ with interest rates under 2% you might as well put it under your bed&#8230;

 _When in Rome, do as the Romans do_ when in the U.S.A. press 2 for English&#8230;

 _You look like the cat that ate the canary_ Just don't let PETA find out&#8230;

 _She's a tall drink of water_ that would be the liter bottle, I guess&#8230;

 _If it's free it's for me_ now known as the Department of Transitional Assistance&#8230;

 _Sure as shooting _not so accurate when you hold the gun sideways&#8230;

 _Give me a ring_ tongue, nose or eyebrow&#8230;

 _Baker's Dozen_ now only 12 due to lack of dough&#8230;

 _A woman's place is in the home_ unless she can hire an au pair&#8230;

 _Thank God or Thank Heaven_ and offend everyone it seems&#8230;

 _That's for me to know and you to find out_ just try Google, Youtube or Twitter&#8230;

 _Spends money like a drunken sailor_ replaced by "like a Democrat"&#8230;

 _War is Hell_ we know but could you try not killing anybody it's bad press&#8230;

 _Beggars can't be choosers_ see Dept. of Transitional Assistance (above)&#8230;

 _Black Hole of Calcutta _that's where my tech support guys are, right?...

 _Blaze of Glory _changed to suicide bomber&#8230;

 _It's all Greek to me _used to mean confusing, but now it means you're broke&#8230;

 _Buy the farm _subsidies included in seller's price&#8230;

 _The grass is always greener _when your neighbor has a lawn service&#8230;

 _Gravy train _see Dept. of Transitional Assistance or State Lottery&#8230;

 _Thick as thieves _or as I say, Congress


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## HistoryHound (Aug 30, 2008)

It's better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.

Warning: Use caution when attempting this with your significant other. Your results may vary. Side effects include being in the doghouse and sleeping on the couch.


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## grn3charlie (Jul 18, 2005)

Why don't you go play hide and go fuck yourself.


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## USAF286 (May 20, 2011)

"Rather be judged by 12 than carried by 6." Refuse to be a victim. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Kilvinsky (Jan 15, 2007)

grn3charlie said:


> Does the pope shit in the woods?
> Is a bear catholic?


It's well known to most of us who study these matters that bears are:

22% Buddhist
20% Episcopalian
11% Russian Orthodox
10% Communist (most are in Russia-hold outs)
9% Church of the Devine Picinic Basket (Yogi-ists)
6% Baptists
4% Taoist (Pandas mostly)
3% Hassidic Jewish
2% Muslim (convert or die, ya dig?)
2% Norse God worshipers
2% Catholic
2% Reform Jewish
1% Atheist
1% Jehovah's Witness (when they come knocking offering the Watch Tower, either don't answer the door, or FOR GOD'S SAKE, TAKE THE MAGAZINE!)
1% Druids
1% Unitarian-Universalists
1% Unitarian (will not accept the Universalist side of things)
1% Orthodox Jewish
.5% Mormon (see Jehovah's Witness)
.5% Undecided

In other words, they ain't necessarily Catholic, but the Pope DOES shit in the woods from time to time!


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## grn3charlie (Jul 18, 2005)

"Get your hands off my penis"


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## Kilvinsky (Jan 15, 2007)

Many hold the title, yet only a few truly do the job.

I admit, "Get your hands off my penis" is a tough one to beat, yet beat it I must try and do!


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## grn3charlie (Jul 18, 2005)

Kilvinsky said:


> Many hold the title, yet only a few truly do the job.
> 
> I admit, "Get your hands off my penis" is a tough one to beat, yet beat it I must try and do!


It is true sir. I mean really, who has not had to utter that statement?


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## Kilvinsky (Jan 15, 2007)

I've gone in the OTHER direction..."PLEASE, PUT your hands on my penis!!!"

Marriage, whaddayagonnado?


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## RodneyFarva (Jan 18, 2007)

Officer where is the mall? .... its right on the corner of get a map and fuck off.


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## FourInchFury (Jun 26, 2013)

I still miss my ex-girlfriend, but my aim is improving.
Procrastination is like masturbation... it feels great until once you realize you're only f*cking yourself.
Children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children.
Hurricanes are like women : when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.


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## Guest (Sep 6, 2013)

HousingCop said:


> Save your breath....... you'll need it later to blow up your date.


OMG, thank you for making me laugh out loud. Now, if only I could find that little pad of paper so I can write this one down for future use. . . .

One of my favorites is: *"The best things in life are not things."*


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## Rock (Mar 20, 2005)

Ok, one thats always bugged me...

"If it isn't one thing its another" NO SHIT! Wouldn't it have to be??


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## LGriffin (Apr 2, 2009)

grn3charlie said:


> It is true sir. I mean really, who has not had to utter that statement?


The first or the second?


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## HistoryHound (Aug 30, 2008)

Rock said:


> Ok, one thats always bugged me...
> 
> "If it isn't one thing its another" NO SHIT! Wouldn't it have to be??


That's right up there with "It's always in the last place you look." No kidding, how many people keep looking after they found what they were looking for?


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## grn3charlie (Jul 18, 2005)

LGriffin said:


> The first or the second?


The one about "Get you Hands off my Penis" although its usually just one of the voices in my head saying it to me.


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## Hush (Feb 1, 2009)

Im going to leave a shit


Why would I want to take it with me?!?


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## Guest (Sep 6, 2013)

"At the end of the day. . . . " 

My boyfriend from 1990 used to say that and it drove me just as crazy then as it does now. I hate cliches and stupid, over-used phrases.


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## Kilvinsky (Jan 15, 2007)

Deviates should be shot. Perverts should be cuddled.


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