# Open mic



## Andy0921 (Jan 12, 2006)

Post some funny shit you have heard or said when you or someone else had a open mic and didn't know it until you start swearing and the SGT. yells "OPEN MIC!!".

One night I was going on about a local drug dealer and all the scanner freaks heard it. You all know what a colorful vocabulary I have  
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## zebra3 (Feb 28, 2006)

Our mobiles and portables scan and 3 or 4 years ago the Fire Dept. had an open mic. A Lt. on one of the trucks was going on about how much of an a$$hole his chief was. Went on for about 3 to 5 minutes. Sounded like George carlin talking about the chief of the SFD. Heard all he got was a letter of reprimand.


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## Gil (Jun 15, 1998)

I have two...

First one was two detectives coming back from superior court, the were talking shop and having the usual bitch session about fellow co-workers, brass etc... well one of then had his knee pressed on the mic, the station kept paging them (back in the days before nextel or even cell phones). They continued talking trash like about how stupid the person paging them was "don't they know were in court today etc.." 

The other one was when we switched to a new freq, it happen to be the same freq as some agency in New Hampshire, we weren't using pl tones at the time. One officer picks up another at his home to give him a ride to work (car trouble) well when the second officer got in the car he was leaning on the mic, the two had some normal everyday discussion then they started talking about how well endowed the new waitress was at a local fast food joint. Well the conversation got pretty colorful and graphic. Graphic enough that the New Hampshire agency called to complain. The pl tones went into effect shortly thereafter.


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## Andy0921 (Jan 12, 2006)

hahahaha


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## lpwpd722 (Jun 13, 2006)

We had an officer singing a Madonna song, WILL NOT mention any names. Needless to say, someone made a recording of it.


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## sammy269 (Jun 29, 2006)

Many years ago, on a quiet mid shift, in a land far, far, away.....the local newspaper guy delivered the papers to the station. He happened to deliver a new copy of Playboy to the desk, and naturally, that got more interest than the daily paper. One of they guys made the comment that a pictorial looked like the blonde down the street that he was "visiting" on a regular basis. He was really into the magazine, and talking all about how great she looked and compared her to the pictorial. Unbenknownst to him, he had the magazine on the mic key and it was broadcasting out into scanner-land. Since the other 2 patrols were in the station, they did not notice it or have their portables on. Soon, the phone rings, "Such and such PD, officer Jones." Caller, "Hey a$$whole, thanks for just broadcasting to everyone what we have going on." The look on his face was priceless. Not only did he tell everyone, including his SO, that he was messing around, but also his paramours hubby, who worked at another PD, and his name and where he worked. It was around 630 am, and his SO was getting up to get his son ready for school, and heard it on the scanner. It was funny when it happened, but had rather nasty consequences.


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## Opie (May 28, 2003)

A certain Sgt. at my Dept. keeps the "Blackmail" tape in his office, which includes numerous Nextel/Mic Screw ups with F Bombs, but the best had to be when a 4-12 guy had his knee on the MIc and was Singing "Jump" by Van Halen on Headbangers Ball. Went on for about a minute and a half. Best part when he tries to sing "Don't you know what I mean!" OMG!!! You can hear on the tape his Nextel and Lap Top going Crazy "Open Mic! Open Mic!" It ends with Oh.....Sorry! Then began the Ribbing!! LMAO


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## Opie (May 28, 2003)

USMCMP5811 said:


> And you still haven't lived that one down yet have you Brian? :mrgreen:


Thankfully Kenny, I wasn't me! :-D


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## Opie (May 28, 2003)

Opie said:


> Thankfully Kenny, I wasn't me! :-D


Sorry Professor!! "It" wasn't me.


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## Home Wood (Oct 12, 2006)

I've heard trash talking about a Sgt that was on duty at the time. Over the years I've heard lot's of swares said. Some intentionally too.


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## MVS (Jul 2, 2003)

lpwpd722 said:


> We had an officer singing a Madonna song, WILL NOT mention any names. Needless to say, someone made a recording of it.


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## Andy0921 (Jan 12, 2006)

we had an officer trying to contact a female Sgt. via nextel and she wasn't answering his "alert" and you hear him say "pick up the phone you cunt" .


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## justanotherparatrooper (Aug 27, 2006)

andy0921 said:


> we had an officer trying to contact a female Sgt. via nextel and she wasn't answering his "alert" and you hear him say "pick up the phone you cunt" .


 did she answer him?


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## Andy0921 (Jan 12, 2006)

justanotherparatrooper said:


> did she answer him?


She had her portable off and the dispatcher paged her in the station to answer her nextel. No one told her because no one really likes her, but we all thought it was very funny. 
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## dcs2244 (Jan 29, 2004)

andy0921 said:


> we had an officer trying to contact a female Sgt. via nextel and she wasn't answering his "alert" and you hear him say "pick up the phone you cunt" .


At least he didn't say "...pick up the phone you syphallitic, runny sores can't-understand-normal-things..."


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## Andy0921 (Jan 12, 2006)

Any more????


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## Dr.Magoo (May 2, 2002)

Two good ones here:

Dispatcher on overnight shift gets radio call from supervisor asking for something stupid...dispatcher using foot petal broadcasts "10-4" and then forgot to take foot off petal and states "Will you shut the fuck up!". Dispatcher got a few days off.

Officer on duty goes into the head and begins to take care of business. Open mic on his portable whne he took off his gun belt. You hear him grunting and groaning giving birth to his shit, when you hear a loud knock on the bathroom door. Officer relieving himself yells, "Leave me the fuck alone, I'm trying to take a shit".


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## Andy0921 (Jan 12, 2006)

lmao


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## mikey742 (Mar 4, 2005)

We had an officer that was a little large and he was working one day and he stopped over at a Burger King to grab dinner so he is going through the drive thru and as he is placing his order he accidentally keys up the mic and starts his order which was 10 piece chicken mcnugget meal with an extra 10 piece. Then he starts asking the person if they can switch the drink or fries or both from the meal for more nuggets. It was quite funny to listen to.


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## Andy0921 (Jan 12, 2006)

*true story
[SIZE=+0]I had a big road job detail the other night (me, another officer, and a Capt.) me and the other patrol officer were standing behind my cruiser just bull shitting. Some real hot girl pulls up to ask for directions, after she pulls away I tell the officer what I would like to do to her and how tight she probably is and that she was so small I could walk around with her on my fuck stick all day long. The capt is sitting in the cruiser listening to music or what ever, next thing I know he rips the door open "ANDY OPEN MIC!!!TURN THAT SHIT OFF!!!!" ](*,) [/SIZE]


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## Guest (Oct 22, 2006)

I believe Magoo has the best so far...........


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## Oscar32 (Sep 20, 2006)

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

PUT A NIPPLE ON IT!


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## Andy0921 (Jan 12, 2006)

Oscar32 said:


> How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
> 
> PUT A NIPPLE ON IT!


:L:


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## Andy0921 (Jan 12, 2006)

Anymore?!?!?!?


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